Sunday, June 26, 2011

I bathe with bugs. About everyday there is a spider or a moth or other insect in my shower.  I also sleep with them and basically share my room with them.  At least one morning a week I sleepily walk out of my room to the bathroom and my face is snared - mid-yawn - by spider webs.

The basement shower, my shower, is one of those smallish plastic inserts about the size of a phone booth (am I dating myself?).  The shower head doesn’t move and shaving my legs is a yogic exercise I’m pretty sure.  I have to hoist up a leg and press my foot against the front shower wall and, because I have never been limber in my life, that move hunches me over and my back presses the back wall.  This actually is a fairly stable pose…until a bug crawls in the shower with me.  Yesterday a speedy little guy joined me and I was so afraid of his beeline to my exposed nether parts that I lost my balance and pulled my groin muscle.  I’m considering Nair for future.

I used to think that folks who made a living out of getting unemployment checks were stupid and lazy.  I have a whole new appreciation for them these days.  To receive unemployment benefits one has to make a claim every week.  This claim consists of informing the state if you worked or not, where and how much you earned and from there they determine if you get all or a portion of your weekly benefit.  I have been attempting to collect unemployment for the last month and have somehow managed to get the benefits suspended twice!!!  One of the questions asks if in the last week you refused any work?  Since I was working a small contract job and was offered another in Minnesota, I refused the Minnesota job.  This evidently is NOT what they mean by refusing a job.  Suspension #1.  Another question they ask is did you work the previous week?  Well, yes, I did, but I haven’t gotten paid yet …and that’s what they really want to know is if I have made any money and as of yet, I have earned no money.  So no, I did not work last week.  Suspension #2.  I spent a good portion of a day on the phone with Nebraska unemployment and Georgia Unemployment not to mention the Interstate unemployment offices and they treated me like I am a moron.  And rightly so I guess. 

Most all of my ties to Georgia are gone.  I have opened local bank accounts, purchased Nebraska license plates (SFN 189…which will be remembered “So Fine 1-8-9!”), and posed for my new Nebraska driver’s license (great photo btw!!).  All I have left is my 404 area code…and it causes problems since the area code here is 402….even though I emphasize the FOUR, these Nebraska folks still hear TWO.  Oh well, this regular clarification will help to keep Georgia on my mind….

Friday, June 24, 2011

My baby sister was in town for a few days.  It was the best trip ever.  Not only did she inform us she is expecting a baby, she was the designated driver when we all went out to celebrate!

This will be the first baby of my father's progeny.  To say we are excited is putting it mildly.  My sister is 14 years younger than I (15 than my brother).  When she was born she was my little doll.  Mom and Dad weren’t so sure about the timing of her arrival (they were 40) but my brother and I were the perfect babysitting age -  so part of the timing was right.  I remember going to the mall with mom and pushing my sis in her stroller.  Ladies would exclaim how pretty my daughter was – agh!!!  It embarrassed me that they though she was mine…..I need to ask mom how she felt about those comments.

Cystic Fybrosis runs in my brother-in-law’s family and we all were a bit anxious for test results.  Yesterday we received ultra sound photos and a clean bill of health from all three of them.  Because I want a little girl, I emailed my reply after viewing the images with “It’s a girl!”  My sis LOL’d and said even though it is too soon to tell, they think it is a boy because the heart rate is low.  “What?  You mean they start out as slackers, too?” I asked?  Wouldn’t you know….. (just kidding guys.)

Monday I spent the day at the College World Series with my BFF – it was her birthday.  I brought Mojitos and we basked in the sun at the tail gate most of the day.  Not enough tickets so she and I got caught up on life.  Then, in typical Nebraska fashion, the clouds rolled in, the wind whipped up, the sirens went off and folks started freaking out!  People poured out of the stadium and most took shelter where ever they could.  We continued sipping our Mojitos, in the SW corner of a basement, soothing her crying 7-year-old.   

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Friday starts the College World Series of Baseball in little ‘ol Omaha.  This year it is in a brand new stadium.  Friday is opening day and I will attend with dad.  My family has been season ticket holders since before I was born so we have CHOICE seats behind and to the right of home plate.  Sa-weet.  Funny thing is though, I, myself, would rather tail gate in the parking lot.  NCAA rules: no selling of alcohol in the stadium.  You can imagine how many other folks prefer to tail gate.  Many run back and forth from the game to the lot all day long.  However it’s done, it is always a very good time.  My favorite holiday is Fleet Week in NYC and my second favorite holiday is College World Series.

My third favorite holiday is my birthday.  It begins with the CWS, and ends with 4^th of July weekend.  This year, it ends July 21^st because of my trip to Nashvegas and Atlanta, so will be nearly a month long!!!! 

When it rains, it pours.  My rainmaking is starting to pay off.

I learned today that at my new part-time job I get three pairs of slacks and three tops at a 70% discount.  Oh yeah.

I received three weeks of unemployment money.

I applied today for another part-time job leasing apartments.  Once you apply, you have to take personality and intelligence tests.  The first test….OMG.  “Is it better to steal office equipment that is insured or not?”  “It is ok to share illegal drugs with co-workers as long as it doesn’t affect their work productivity?”  I snicker-snorted through that one and wished to meet the person who flunked this particular test.

The next test was similar to the SAT or the ACT if I recall correctly.  Math.  Not just math, algebra.  And whatever you call arithmetic with numbers “to the power” and then the ghastly story problems.  Not to mention those word things like: itch is to scratch like blank is to blank.  When I finished my head hurt – it is still pounding.  I guess I did ok because they have invited me back next week.  Hmmm, but maybe not for a further interview but perhaps to laugh at “the particular person who flunked this test.”  Either will be a growth experience.

I have agreed to help represent a promotional merchandise company as part of my “Marketing Strategies for Small Businesses.”  (MSSB)  I’m thinking that peddling these items will be another point of entry into the world of MSSB.  Oh, and, they offered me free office space!!!  Let me see….mom and dad’s dining room with soap operas, barking dogs and loud talking dad?  Or, a real office in a lively working environment with a real desk and chair.  I’m taking the office.

Today I was given the opportunity to have an audience with the head of the Omaha Chamber of Commerce.  This has to do also with the contacts I have been making and their recommendation of me to him.   I am thrilled.  He may be as powerful, if not more, than the mayor.  (And as you know I’ve already sat in the mayor’s desk chair.)  I plan to chat up a few ideas with him.

Friday starts the College World Series of Baseball in little ‘ol Omaha.  This year it is in a brand new stadium.  Friday is opening day and I will attend with dad.  My family has been season ticket holders since before I was born so we have CHOICE seats behind and to the right of home plate.  Sa-weet.  Funny thing is though, I, myself, would rather tail gate in the parking lot.  NCAA rules: no selling of alcohol in the stadium.  You can imagine how many other folks prefer to tail gate.  Many run back and forth from the game to the lot all day long.  However it’s done, it is always a very good time.  My favorite holiday is Fleet Week in NYC and my second favorite holiday is the College World Series.

My third favorite holiday is my birthday.  It begins with the CWS, and ends with 4^th of July weekend.  This year, it ends July 21^st because of my trip to Nashvegas and Atlanta, so will be nearly a month long!!!! 

My parents yesterday celebrated their 51st wedding anniversary.

Life is good!!!!!

Hmmm, but maybe not for a further interview but maybe to laugh at “the particular person who flunked this test.”  Hmmm, but maybe not for a further interview but maybe to laugh at “the particular person who flunked this test.” 

Hmmm, but maybe not for a further interview but maybe to laugh at “the particular person who flunked this test.”  Either will be a growth experience.

I have agreed to help represent a promotional merchandise company as part of my “Marketing Strategies for Small Businesses.”  (MSSB)  I’m thinking that peddling these items will be another point of entry into the world of MSSB.  Oh, and, they offered me free office space!!!  Let me see….mom and dad’s dining room with soap operas, barking dogs and loud talking dad?  Or, a real office in a lively working environment with a real desk and chair.  I’m taking the office.

Today I was given the opportunity to have an audience with the head of the Omaha Chamber of Commerce.  This has to do also with the contacts I have been making and their recommendation of me to him.   I am thrilled.  He may be as powerful, if not more, than the mayor.  (And as you know I’ve already sat in the mayor’s desk chair.)  I plan to chat up a few ideas with him.

Friday starts the College World Series of Baseball in little ‘ol Omaha.  This year it is in a brand new stadium.  Friday is opening day and I will attend with dad.  My family has been season ticket holders since before I was born so we have CHOICE seats behind and to the right of home plate.  Sa-weet.  Funny thing is though, I, myself, would rather tail gate in the parking lot.  NCAA rules: no selling of alcohol in the stadium.  You can imagine how many other folks prefer to tail gate.  Many run back and forth from the game to the lot all day long.  However it’s done, it is always a very good time.  My favorite holiday is Fleet Week in NYC and my second favorite holiday is College World Series.

My third favorite holiday is my birthday.  It begins with the CWS, and ends with 4^th of July weekend.  This year, it ends July 21^st because of my trip to Nashvegas and Atlanta, so will be nearly a month long!!!! 

Hmmm, but maybe not for a further interview but maybe to laugh at “the particular person who flunked this test.”  Either will be a growth experience.

I have agreed to help represent a promotional merchandise company as part of my “Marketing Strategies for Small Businesses.”  (MSSB)  I’m thinking that peddling these items will be another point of entry into the world of MSSB.  Oh, and, they offered me free office space!!!  Let me see….mom and dad’s dining room with soap operas, barking dogs and loud talking dad?  Or, a real office in a lively working environment with a real desk and chair.  I’m taking the office.

Today I was given the opportunity to have an audience with the head of the Omaha Chamber of Commerce.  This has to do also with the contacts I have been making and their recommendation of me to him.   I am thrilled.  He may be as powerful, if not more, than the mayor.  (And as you know I’ve already sat in the mayor’s desk chair.)  I plan to chat up a few ideas with him.

Friday starts the College World Series of Baseball in little ‘ol Omaha.  This year it is in a brand new stadium.  Friday is opening day and I will attend with dad.  My family has been season ticket holders since before I was born so we have CHOICE seats behind and to the right of home plate.  Sa-weet.  Funny thing is though, I, myself, would rather tail gate in the parking lot.  NCAA rules: no selling of alcohol in the stadium.  You can imagine how many other folks prefer to tail gate.  Many run back and forth from the game to the lot all day long.  However it’s done, it is always a very good time.  My favorite holiday is Fleet Week in NYC and my second favorite holiday is College World Series.

My third favorite holiday is my birthday.  It begins with the CWS, and ends with 4^th of July weekend.  This year, it ends July 21^st because of my trip to Nashvegas and Atlanta, so will be nearly a month long!!!! 

Sunday, June 12, 2011

Well I called in for my unemployment check today.  Every Sunday I am to call in to apply for a check for the previous week.  I still haven’t been told if I am eligible or not but I still have to apply every week.  They sent me an information packet so I suppose I will take some time to read it because I will need to learn if my new part-time job will screw me out of unemployment. 

Yep, that’s right, I have a part-time job!  I will now be filling my resume with retail sales experience!!!  I’m not as excited about the job as I am the employee discount because the shop is a women’s clothing boutique!  My $8.50 an hour is going all toward clothes!!!

Dad spent the better part of an hour sawing the handles off some old aluminum cooking pans of moms.  He took the pans and some empty cans to the recycling center and got $8.30.  This is a man who has thousands of dollars wrapped up in antique and classic cars.  I’m thinking if he needed the money, why not just sell a car?

I spent Saturday in Cedar Creek, NE for their Cedar Creek day celebration.  Cedar Creek, population 310, is a series of four lakes with homes and cabins around them and little bitty downtown. My friend Paulette has a cabin there.  I started a great base tan, met a ton of fun folks, drank a whole lot of beer and haven’t danced that much in years (the bands were spectacular).  The bottoms of my feet are sore and tender and I’m pretty sure tomorrow will be the day I won’t be able to move…I feel lactic acid everywhere.

Saturday, June 4, 2011

I have to keep reminding myself that the subtitle of this blog is “Adventures in Babysitting My Parents,” and that the TITLE is A Girls Journey Home.  I haven’t posted much lately because I haven’t been hanging with the ’rents that much….and mom is pissed I haven’t been cooking!  Actually I could have been posting all along since this blog isn’t totally about me and my folks.  It is about my experience moving home after 24 years in Atlanta.

I applied for unemployment last week and it felt wrong.  You already know I live with my folks.  I have money in the bank.  I am networking like crazy – really, hardly home at all – to find a job.  And because I talk on the phone, have health and car and renter’s insurance, drive a car, have stuff in storage (and a bad wine habit)…I have bills. Omaha is somewhere near 95% employed.  There are no jobs.  Therefore I started my own “biz” and am lucky enough to have a few current gigs to earn some cash.  Yet, the hard truth is I am below poverty level with my income.  Mom stated, “You have paid into that system since you were 16…you are entitled to get a bit of support.”  True.  But why do I feel like a slacker???  A lady from the Georgia unemployment agency left me a message to call her on Monday so…we’ll see if they’ll have me.

The only uncomfortable thing that recently occurred with my folks was last week when I was making dinner.  I was mixing up some hamburger salad…I know it sounds gross, but it is the bomb!  Cooked hamburger, cooled, combined with diced onion and dill pickle; add in ketchup, mustard and mayo.  Serve on a bun.  Viola!!!  Tastes just like a hamburger with no grill.  Now that I think about it – whoop de doo!? – A grilled burger would have been equal the effort.  Oh well.  I digress.  (I also made corn barley salad with green peppers, fresh thyme….)

As I was writing, the only real gross thing that recently occurred with my folks was last week when I was making this dinner.  They were hanging out at the kitchen table and mom said to dad, “You told me my behind and legs attracted you when we met, when we started dating.  How do Lori’s behind and legs compare?”

WT? 

“DO NOT answer that question, daddy.  MOM!!! Grossssss!!!!”

“Lori, he’s your father for Christ’s sake…..” she retorted.

“DO NOT answer that question, daddy.  MOM!!! Grossssss!!!!”   I was feeling like Trailer Park spawn. OMG.  WTF?  Eeeewww.

Dad had no action, reaction or any coherent connection to this conversation as his head was deep into the sports pages.  He’s serious about his fantasy Baseball, you know.  Heck, mom and I finished dinner and he hadn’t even touched his plate.  His inattention effectively shut THAT conversation down.  Thank God.  (I still have the willies.)

The Nebraska Invitational Dance Festival was coming up and I sent out “let’s go!” invites.  I told mom to invite her BFFs, too, and let’s all doll up, go to dinner and then go to the festival.  Dancing with the Stars!! 

It was SO FUN!!!!! 

Dancers of all ages and skill levels.  We saw dancers wearing “normal” clothes with dance shoes all the way to the bejeweled, “Dancing with the Stars” outfits.  We watched competitions with many open dances between.  My GFs and I all had happy dance feet and one GF even approached a man (a “real” dancer) and asked him to dance.  They did!

It’s hard to not like all the dancers.  Ultimately the judges have to decide, so, as one of the spectators, you know you have to whittle the choices down as well.  As girls will do, my group of gals very early decided how to reject the male dancers.  Spanx. 

Male dancers either have phenomenal tushes and wear the shape fitting dance pants commando (we love you Maks!) or they wear Spanx “with tush lift” and look phenomenal in the dance pants or……wear sans-a-Spanx dance pants.  Eeeewww.  At least we now know guys can bulge and muffin like girls do in tight yoga-like pants.  That’s why WE wear the baby doll blouses over top to cover that unsightliness……good grief dancer boy with sans-a-Spanx, take note.

Other girl fun at the NE Invitational: shopping for fake BLING and jeweled dancing gowns. NOTE:  The gowns are really heavy with all those jewels on them, they are all mostly spandex, they have built-in bra cups but I’m not sure if the Spanx panties are built in.  NOTE TO NE INVIATIONAL COORDINATORS: My girlfriends and I would have tried those gowns on all night long and probably bought a couple.  Where was the dressing room?

As we left the dancing venue I pulled off my feet-killing shoes and happened to break a nail – all the way down and only in the middle.  The nail was still attached at both sides.  Wha?  That is weird to me. Anyway, when I got home I went straight to mom’s end table, next to her couch where she watches TV.  There is where to find a nail file in a chip and dip bowl I gave her one year for Mom’s day. 

The dip bowl is filled with dental floss, stamps, and pencil erasers.  It is nestled – as it should be – into the chip bowl which is home to pencils, scissors, highlighters, matches, glue, chip clips, batteries, more floss, paper clips, tape and so forth.  I thought I would find an emery board (nail file) there.  Nope.  Yet, before I get into the nail conversation, I wish to state that mom has this chip and dip bowl covered with her TV guide and other TV gossip publications, so that she now has a clear Tupperware container - next to the chip and dip bowl - to house floss, lipstick, nail polish and pencils….and anything else she can’t find.

Ok, finger nails.  I have good, natural nails.  They are strong and hard, like my boyfriends.  ;)  When does one cut them all down and start all over?  Because of the nail I broke tonight, my left hand has one long nail and no other.   I think it looks funny.  I think I should cut the last one down.  YET, my right hand has all long, good nails!  Do I have to sacrifice my right beautiful nails to “match” my disappointing left hand?  If you are a man and reading this blog – I SWEAR to you, girls fret about this stuff.  Never mind about world peace.  Serious. 

Good grief it is obvious I haven’t blogged in a while, and if you’ve read this far on this post, you can handle one more story.

I attended a networking event (of course), that was a wine tasting event (of course).  The AWESOME owner, Diana, and I have similar pallets and I loved all six wines she poured.  (And she’s a True Blood HBO Series lover like I am, go figure.)   Long story short, I bought five of the six wines she shared and doubled up on the Merlot to make a six-pack (and scored a great discount).  This Merlot, to me, was complex with a strong buttery finish.  Big buttery finish….in a Merlot?  I was transfixed, that’s why I bought two bottles:  one to enjoy myself and one to share with a wine aficionado friend.

I add this story here, because it picks up tonight, as I arrived home from the dancing event.  I thought to myself I would have a glass of wine and write this blog.  Dad was still up watching girls’ softball on TV. After I told him what he missed at the dancing event, he shared with me he had “got in to my wine.” 

My dad likes Merlot.  Crap.  “Which one did you open daddy?” Of course you know what he said.  Sigh. Now, I PROMISE I am not a wine snob.  But daddy was drinking this Merlot out of a plastic Slushee cup and the 1/8 bottle remaining was corked and in the fridge. !!!!!.

I finish this posting by enjoying a NON Merlot out of a PROPER glass and there will be nothing left to cork and put in the fridge.