Saturday, August 27, 2011

Folks of a certain age will remember jelly jar glasses.  I think they had the Flintstones or some other cartoon character on them.  They were kiddy size and perfect for juice or a few sips of something.  How many of you still have them in your cupboard?  How many of you still use them?  How about plastic cups with advertising on them?  Or give away coffee cups?

I ask, because I want to know if it is a phenomenon here, that we have every single glass or cup ever bought or received…..and I am only referring to the above mentioned.  We also have every glass or cup purchased on purpose, as part of a gift set, high school fund raiser or as part of tableware set.

Dad drinks his milk from the plastic SWAG cup from my last wedding.  Mom uses a large, tall Husker cup for her tea (at least I think is it a Husker cup, it IS red and the logo is half faded off.  We all use the Ducks Unlimited, Yorky or Model T Club coffee cups and I have a penchant for my “So many men, so few can afford me” wine glass.  Why is this?

The second to last time I moved, I got rid of all cups and glasses that weren’t a part of my every day set or special cocktail glasses.  When I put away my dishes in my new place, I arranged my cupboards al la a magazine – all lined up, sparking - so when I opened the cupboards it was a treat!  I felt like a grown up, albeit a tad anal. 

So, here I am living with mom and dad with all the jelly glasses, Big Gulp cups, “I’m not fat, I’m fluffy” coffee cups and I want to know why we use them instead of the “nice” stuff.  I asked mom.  Her reply, “Because over time the good stuff has been pushed to the back of the cupboard where we can’t reach them.”

Throwing more crap away!!

Thursday, August 25, 2011

I compose this as I burn off a little time before I am attending the Thursday Show of Omaha Fashion Week. And no, Omaha Fashion week is not an oxymoron although I do have my suspicions.  If you are a regular follower of my blog, you may recall how unimpressed I am with the dress in Omaha.  T-shirts and athletic shorts or jammy pants and sweatshirts - oh, and an occasional hoodie - are all I see as I shop for my box of wine at Wal-Mart, shop at Hy-Vee, go to the mall, etc.  However I do say Omaha Fashion Week is not an oxymoron for a couple of reasons.

The first reason is that I actually attended a Fashion Show when I first got to town.  It was at a cool venue in Benson, was a fund raiser for kids I think, they served alcohol (thank god) and the show was wonderful!!!  What talent we saw. My gal pals and I fell in love with one designer in particular and we actually got to meet her when we were all in the bathroom at the same time!!  Take that New York!

The second reason I say Omaha Fashion Week is not an oxymoron is because I am meeting some of the younger up-and-comers in Omaha through my networking.  These kids are really starting to get into fashion.  Last night I was at a little soiree at the newly refurbished Deco Hotel down town.  Tons of the young guns and a good handful of them looking smashing.  They all introduced themselves to me…evidently fashion attracts fashion.   

There is a Best-Dressed list in Omaha and the event/ accolades are coming up. (Of course I am not on the list – I’m new in town.)  A couple of the beautiful people on that list, representing both sexes, commented to me on how they think next year or the next, this list will be about fashion and not popularity.  So, things are really looking up for Omaha!!!!

Oh dear, mom just read to me today’s newspaper article about Omaha Fashion Week.  The article stated that the fashions on the runway were fabulous; the fashions on the spectators left a lot to be desired.  I hope I stand out - I am wearing DESIGNER jammy pants and a hoodie from my Benson designer!  Look out Omaha Best Dressed list!!

Sunday, August 21, 2011

So, mom swallowed a needle. Wha?  Yes, she swallowed a needle.  WT?  Exactly.  I was sitting in my office (the dining room) working on the computer (probably FaceBooking) and she jumped up off the couch and looked at me with great surprise. 

“I just swallowed a needle!” she exclaimed.

“You did what?” I blurted

“I just swallowed a needle!” she replied a tad panicky.

“Well how’d you do that?” queried I.

My mom is an avid cross stitcher.  “Well, I had the needle in my mouth as I was changing thread colors and I, well, I….I don’t know!  All I know was it was at the back of my mouth and I couldn’t grasp it and then I swallowed it!”

Knowing a bit about hand needle work, I found this scenario quite plausible.  “You’ll be fine, mom,”  I said, “it’ll go down, through and out just fine. And, just in case I’ll Google it.”

“What are you going to Google?  Stupid human tricks?” she asked. 

“Not directly,” said I.

All I could find were stories about dogs, cats and toddlers – not a 74-year-old woman with a bad stomach already.  I did see one story that caught my eye.  If was from the New York Times in 1900 about a youngster who swallowed a needle and many months later it made its way out through his skin, right beneath his rib cage.  I didn’t share that story with mom.

Just so happened that at that time my sister called with news of Devyn Rose Sparrer.  Yep, this family is having a little girl.  We are thrilled.  Mom got all the details and at the end of the conversation asked my Nurse Practitioner sister what do to about the needle.  She said the same thing I did.  It’ll pass in 24 to 48 hours, not to worry.

We are all waiting on pins and needles (couldn’t help myself) to see what happens.  Forty-eight hours is nearly now.  Yesterday at the movies, as the screen actors drank a shot of tequila, mom asked if maybe that would disintegrate her needle.  I snorted and said no but if the urban legend is true, a good cold Coca Cola should do the trick.  Tonight mom's enjoying a large Coca Cola, we are keeping her away from magnetic devices, and we wait.

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Mom and I were cursing men yesterday...I was trying to turn on the gas to the grill to cook some chicken and the dang handle was screwed so tightly closed that I couldn’t get it open.  I tried a rubber kitchen gripper thing and then a towel…still couldn’t get it to budge.  “Are you sure you are turning it the right way,” mom asked? 

“Really?” I thought to myself.  “I own my own grill thank-you-very-much.  Uncle Ted taught me ‘righty tighty, lefty Lucy’ by God….I know what I am doing.”

“Your dad sometimes uses a hammer to hit the handle loose, want to try it?”  Clang! Clang! – The loudness was due to my mounting frustration because I hate chicken baked in the oven and this was looking like an oven baked chicken night.  Crap.  “Damn, men,” I muttered.  Mom nodded in agreement.  Why do guys have to come behind us gals and check our work?  Tighten things?  Treat us like little girls?

Today a left a sticky note for daddy to please unloosen the gas handle and off I went on some errands.  Upon my arrival home daddy informed me the reason why the gas tank handle was so tight was because it was OPEN all the way, it couldn’t open any further.  *grinandbearit*  Thanks Daddy.

Anchovies do not resemble leeches I have learned.  Dad likes anchovies and what he brought home and put in the fridge and I proceeded to put on his salad were not anchovies.

I spent 24 years in Atlanta, GA.  It wasn’t until I came to Omaha did I see a TV show called Toddlers and Tiaras.  With disdain, I watched an episode (or two.)  What the heck are these folks thinking spending all that money #1?  On promoting superficiality with beauty to children #2?  And I don’t know what else but I was disturbed #3.  I have sneak watched a few more episodes since then…again with disdain.  This week a Georgia neighbor of mine posted both of her daughters’ pageant photos on FaceBook..  Dang it!  Now I have to come out of the disdain closet.  EVERYTHING aside, it is fun to watch and the outfits are pretty.  I can’t be a hater.  If there were such a thing for dogs, my Lucille (May she rest in peace) would have been Best in Show.

Saturday, August 13, 2011

The potentially shattered table and chairs are still in the back of the truck in now soggy boxes.  Drat rain.  I have enticed my brother with a Thai food extravaganza to come over tomorrow and help me put this patio furniture together.  I now see the complete value in the $70 delivery and set-up fee.  This small lesson I have decided is my one more step closer to getting old.

See, my folks have gotten a bit illogical with money in my opinion.  Dad will spend good money on refurbishing the deck yet gives mom a very small (nearly unrealistic) budget for the patio table.  You should see all the gerry-rigged items in this house.  Re-wired lamps, formerly broken and now cobbled together old chairs…the dishwasher one must kick to close and start….and yet my folks are spending crazy money to go to Florida for four months next year.  The grocery and prescription bills scare mom yet you can be sure she has all the latest fashions, hard cover books and so on.  I don’t know, maybe I’m missing something here…and I probably am.  And that is why I did not pay $70 for free delivery and set up of the patio furniture and am spending double that in time, energy and a Thai food extravaganza.

I share a bathroom with a foul-mouthed mouse.  The other day I got into the cabinet underneath my sink.  I have a couple stackable plastic drawers in there, a travel makeup bag, cleaning supplies and such.  I also have a little basket where I keep little soaps and shampoos from my travels.  This is where I discovered a little packaged soap with half the corner nibbled off – paper, soap and all.  Not terribly freaked out, I wished to myself he’d eat my bathroom spiders rather than my nice soaps.  Then it dawned on me that I keep my toothbrush uncovered ON TOP of the stackable drawers.  With my luck he brushed his teeth when he was done dining on my soap.  That’s when I freaked.

Saturday, August 06, 2011

Do squirrels laugh?  I commissioned the new deck the other day.  Dragged out an old card table and chair and worked outside for a bit.  Evidently I was disturbing a squirrel’s concentration on raiding the hanging bird feeder.  He’d be hanging upside down from the roof edge, trying to grab hold of the feeder and, I don’t know why but, I’d look up at him.  So then he’d scamper back up onto the roof and scurry over my way and laugh at me!  Then he forgot all about the feeder and from a variety of roof top vantage points, he continued to laugh.  I decided he was laughing at the card table and chair.

Called mom up and told her they need some patio furniture.  Located a heck of a deal at Sears and would save $70 by picking it up myself.  I emailed mom a photo of the set and she approved the purchase of a patio table and six chairs.

Dad has one of those little tiny trucks.  It’s a stick and fun to drive.  It is also beat to hell, dirty, grimy and gross with a finicky starter and a sticky emergency brake.  It was parked in front of garage door #4 in the backyard so I fired her up and off to Sears we went.  She has a bit of an electrical problem as the radio came and went along with the emergency brake and check engine lights. 

I was hoping the patio set would fit but wasn’t quite sure it would.  It is a tiny little truck.  The Sears guys assured me there was enough room and they rearranged the spare tire, mobile jack, fishing waders, thermos and other miscellany to make room.  Guess I should have thought to clean out the back of the truck, huh?  In my defense, I was wearing heels, white shorts and a very nice top.  I didn’t want to get dirty.  I thanked the guys and as I was getting ready to fire her up, they said to be careful taking left turns.

Well, of course she wouldn’t start.  Electrical fine, turn over – no.  Tried a couple more times and then called my brother the mechanic.  He didn’t answer so as I dialed dad, I tried it again and she started.  So, I hung up before reaching dad.  Then I went to release the emergency brake and that damned thing wouldn’t budge.  Good grief!  I tried my brother again. Same result.  Dialed dad again.  Same result and off we went!

I decided to not jump on I-680 and drove the regular roads instead.  Didn’t want to lose a box.  I really enjoy driving a stick and was wondering how I did it way back when I smoked and perpetually drank Diet Coke.  I didn’t have enough hands!  Can you imagine that and talking on a cell phone today?  Yikes.  Although I was deep in thought I did hear the thump as I turned left onto Maple from 90^th street.  I pulled in to the parking lot of the old Cheap Skate roller rink and there was the patio table – right in the middle of the intersection.  Lord.

As I made my way on foot (in heels mind you!) to the intersection I was hoping some gentleman would notice how well I was dressed and jump out to help me.  Not a chance.  I waited for yellow traffic lights and then dashed into the intersection to grab the table.  The GLASS table was wrapped and boxed at about 6’ x 3’ size.  I hefted up a short end, turned around and dragged it behind me to the curb.  Not too bad.  Then I continued to drag it that way, through the parking lot to the truck.  About half way to the truck, the dragging caused the end to open and the table started coming out.  I flipped it around and dragged the good end to the truck.  With a good alley-oop that table was back in the truck.  Please refer back to paragraph #5.

The truck and its load are back in front of garage door #4 in the back yard.  It is not getting unpacked tonight.  Tomorrow I’ll find out if the glass table is in one piece.  Right now I need a drink.  And not for the reason you are thinking.  I am celebrating that throughout this entire ordeal, my white shorts are still clean!!

Friday, August 05, 2011

Mom and dad are out of town for a WEEK!  I feel 16 and want to have a party!!  Now here’s where I’m not so 16.  There is no patio furniture on the deck, the house is a mess and I would be embarrassed to have anyone over.  Then, should I offer just beer or beer and wine?  Shall I cook some fun finger foods or will chips, dips and veggies be adequate?  Mom and dad do not have a stereo, or an IPod. Shall I create an e-vite or just blast it on FB?  For me, an impromptu party is nothing like it was in high school where letting it slip that your parents’ are gone the party “just” happens.

Before my folks left, we needed to haul out the trash.  Mom pulled the cans out of the garage.  I pulled them to the curb.  The wrong curb evidently.  Dad said they were supposed to go on the other side of the driveway.  Where I placed the cans was where the lawn debris was to go.  I thought to myself, “Certainly the trash collectors can see which is trash and which is lawn debris” so I said to dad I thought it wouldn’t matter.

As I barefoot walked into the garage to go back inside the house I stepped on…….white, wiggling rice. OMG!  Seems it is fly season and they found something comfy near the trash can on which to lay some eggs. GROSS!!!  Well, I screamed like my head was being cut off.  My gag reflex engaged.  Dad came running out with a spray bottle of spot remover and single streamed a few wigglers at a time, consequently pushing them into a larger area. Mom came out with a broom and swatted them as if to put out a fire.  Once I regained my composure and we all calmed a bit, we handled the situation superbly with brooms, a shovel, raid and bleach.  And I set out a mouse trap for added intimidation.

I have officially declared myself as a sole proprietor and am no longer seeking gainful employment where I am not my own boss.  Yes, it took six months and two serious job opportunities for me to decide, but I decided.  And now I am scared to death!  No regular income, only a couple of clients, living with my folks much longer than anticipated….no big clothing allowance!!!!

I am working with the Nebraska Business Development Council to receive cutting edge business advice (they are part of the University of Nebraska) and guidance.  Additionally, I am getting certified as a small, woman-owned, disadvantaged business through their Procurement Training Assistant Center so I may be eligible for government contract work.  Nebraska business ranks 43 out of 50 in earning government contracts…our government even gives contracts to other states.  More of us need to get registered I say!  Keep the work at home.  I am ignorantly counting on becoming a large government contractor overnight. J

Today the trash collectors came.  I washed down all the cans with bleach, spot remover and raid.  And later realized they were on the other side of the drive from where I had first placed them.